Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
