I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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