That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
tell me about the fingering
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