I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
