marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
