What did we do last night that was yellow?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Randomize
