omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
