And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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