I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Sext me about skeletons
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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