paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
