i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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