I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
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I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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