We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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