I'm jealous of your bromance
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
My liver just had a heart attack.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You need a sexual gate keeper
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
