My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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