went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
