just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
