I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
