Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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