i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm too high and old for this...
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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