dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms