I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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