if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
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she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
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Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
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