White coat. Heels.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
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I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
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I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.