Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

White coat. Heels.

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(734): View more from Michigan

I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.

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(703): View more from Virginia

You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?

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(707): View more from California

My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(603): View more from New Hampshire

I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.

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(504): View more from Louisiana

He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.

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(512): View more from Texas

He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.

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(513): View more from Ohio

Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.

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(701): View more from North Dakota

We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.

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