This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
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I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together