hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Use "feeling words"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.