is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.