Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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