if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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