by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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