Will you blow on my dice?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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