I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
