I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
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