I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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