the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
