stop calling my apartment porn island.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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