I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
