I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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