Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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