is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize