his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
