Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
