I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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