Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
