I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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