so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Can you bring me the toilet please
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
