Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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