ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
