Pregnant stripper...not hot.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
