Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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