oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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