He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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