I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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