I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Randomize
