if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
