Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
