you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
