the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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