No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
