If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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