apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
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