you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize