oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
