I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
