I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
