my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
