The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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