Your face is a jimmy john
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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