i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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