I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
