This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
We got so high we made milksteak
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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