I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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