Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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