Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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