I wannas sexs uuuuu
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
